We Can’t Cure Cancer, But Guess What? We Found the G-Spot!

Posted on 30. Jun, 2010 by RachelEli in Lifestyle

Scientists are disputing whether there is a G-spot in women. For those who don’t know, the G-spot is a part on the vagina that when stimulated causes a very intense orgasm. I found out about this debate on the evening news. In amongst the war, economic woes, and puppies dressed like kittens, there was a story about the G-spot. Both sides of the debate had their experts lined up and scientific studies on hand.

After seeing this story, a lot of questions came to mind: If scientists can spend time and money discovering if there is a G-spot, then why don’t we have a cure for cancer yet? How about AIDS? Is American culture so obsessed with sex that scientists are wasting their time discovering whether the G-spot exists? I was so angry that at that very moment, I vowed to discover who had funded this research, track them down, and punch them in the crotch.

I have narrowed down the suspects with several obvious clues. First, I seriously doubt that this research was funded by a woman. Women already know the answer as to whether the G-spot exists, so it must have been funded by a man who either does not have the courage to ask his partner if it exists or does not trust her answer.

Second, this man is rich and lazy. Scientific research is not cheap, so he has to be completely filthy rich if he is spending his money on scientific research to discover if there is a G-spot. He could just search for it on his own, but instead of just buying some champagne and a bottle of lube, he pays scientists to tell him if the G-spot exists.

Thirdly, this man has problems pleasing a woman. I mean, why would he be looking for the elusive G-spot if everything was already swell in the bedroom? He probably has a string of failed relationships trailing behind him, quietly mocking him.

Finally, the man who funded this research has to be famous. If he was just another rich guy, then no one outside his circle of friends and family would care if he was bad in bed. This guy is afraid that one of his ex-girlfriends will talk to the tabloids and expose him for the lackluster lover he is. He is desperately searching for the G-spot so that if his ex-girlfriends talk, then they can’t complain about his performance in bed.

To run down the clues again, I am looking for a rich, lazy, and famous man who has problems pleasing women and is stupid enough to waste his money on pointless research. So far, I have come up with two possible suspects, but readers, I need your help to crack this case. I don’t want to punch an innocent man in the crotch.

I will post my two suspects on here, and you can all weigh in. Do you think they are guilty, or do you think you know who really funded the G-spot research?

My suspects, for your consideration, are:

1. Nicholas Cage

Nicholas Cage spends his money on the dumbest things. This past year, he nearly went broke after spending his money on a castle, two islands, and a dinosaur skull. He strikes me as a very likely suspect in this case. “Research for discovery of the G-spot” fits in nicely on the list of useless things he has spent his money on.

2. Karl Rove

Karl Rove has become a celebrity of sorts in recent years. He is a regular guest on Fox News, and he has a new book entitled Courage and Consequence which will be hitting bookstores in early 2010. Also, he recently split with his wife, and Rove was married once before that. He is the perfect target for the tabloids, and he strikes me as the sort of person that would fund this sort of research.

Readers, I am asking for your help. Help me find the man who funded this research. He must be held accountable for this waste of time and scientific resources. America, help me track this man down and punch him in the crotch.

Tags: AIDS, Cancer, G-spot, Karl Rove, Men, Money, Nicholas Cage, Research, Science, Sex, Tabloids