The Separation Notice: Ciara Princess Harris

Posted on 23. Jul, 2010 by Joleezy in Entertainment

I would like to thank my good friends at Sicklycat.com for appointing me Fantasy HR Director of Celebrity. I am told that with this distinguished title, I alone have the power to fire, promote, demote or send celebrities into obscurity.  Not to rock the boat, and to keep in accordance with my personality, most of my “personnel changes” will be the firing of your favorite pompous, douche bag, annoying and talentless celebs. In order to keep the masses abreast of these changes, the pink slips will be cc’d to you all… Welcome to THE SEPARATION NOTICE.

Dear Ms. Ciara Princess Harris:

First and foremost, I would like to thank you for your 8 years of service in the Celebrity World. However, it has come to my attention that the demand for your music has rapidly declined since your 2004 debut Goodies and your videos have been repeatedly watched on mute by the masses. While we sometimes love your face and fashions and are also addicted to your hip winding, pelvic thrusting dance movies, it is apparent that the professional music world is no place for such a dastardly low level of vocal talent. For these reasons, your talents (and I am using that term loosely) are no longer needed.

To show that your weak contributions were appreciated, I would like to recommend a couple of new careers that may better suit you. I strongly suggest that you parlay your part time modeling into your primary career. Since your celebrity status is now being stripped, Givenchy will undoubtedly replace you as his muse so contacting Jay-Z in hopes to reprise your role as a Rocawear model would be paramount. If modeling does not work out for you (your face is quite strong and sometimes off putting, like you’ve been deadlifting with your chin), perhaps you can look into a career in exotic dance. After all, you are from Atlanta! You have the moves and you have already posed nakey. It should be a smooth transition, no? I’m sure your “not boyfriend”, Mr. Curtis Jackson will gladly manage you. He’ll do anything to make a buck and it looks as though he’ll be looking for a replacement for his music career.

Again, I would like to thank you for your 8 years of service.

Sincerely,

Fantasy HR Director of Celebrity

Tags: Ciara Harris, Music, The Separation Notice