Father’s Gay

Posted on 19. Aug, 2010 by Lourdes M. Diaz in Lifestyle

“We’re going to make Father’s Day cards today”, said Mrs. Washington. She was a stern teacher who literally ruled our kindergarten class with a yardstick. I was only five years old, but at that age, I knew Father’s Day was a day that had no real meaning for me. After all, I had never called anyone Papi or Daddy before. I innocently replied, “I don’t have a dad” but she made me make a card anyway. “You can give it to an uncle or a neighbor ”, she said, nonchalantly.

I sat there and grudgingly colored in the neck-tie card and traced the words, “#1 Dad”. After school, as I waited to be picked up (by someone from my daycare center) I watched other children proudly show their cards to their fathers. I envied them. That night I tossed the card in the trash. In my eyes, no man deserved that card. I learned to become numb to the holiday. It was just another ordinary day. Sometimes I found myself observing my girlfriends interact with their fathers as if I were studying a new-found tribe in the Amazon.

I’d inquisitively ask, “Would you sit on their laps when you were little? Would they hold your hand crossing the street?” They’d look at me, as if I were an alien, which was how I usually felt. As a child, insecurity got the best of me and I often felt incomplete for not having a father. As the years passed, Father’s Day became a day I’d spend alone while my friends celebrated with their dads. Father/daughter trips to Dodger Stadium, Monster Truck shows and afternoon games of flag football were all foreign to me. When my new boyfriend asked me to join him and his family to celebrate Father’s Day, I jumped at the opportunity to finally see what all this fuss was about.

On our way to his dad’s house he told me his dad was now living an openly gay life and living with his partner. He also mentioned we wouldn’t be celebrating like most families do. I wasn’t sure what to expect. To my delight, his father and partner greeted me with a warm hug and made me feel very welcomed. His dad and I chatted about his first career as a choreographer and swapped cooking recipes. Later we went to see the Gay Man’s Chorus of Los Angeles. As we sat there, watching men in leather pants and mesh tops sing versions of Lady Gaga and Christina Aguilera songs, I looked over at my boyfriend and his father and thought although not traditional, if this is what Father’s Day is all about then count me in.

Oftentimes we have the notion that a family should be defined as some sort of 50’s sitcom: a mom, a dad, son, and daughter. However, a family can also be diverse and nontraditional as long as there’s love and respect. That is what makes a family complete. Immediately after the performance, I phoned my mother and thanked her for being strong enough to be both my mom and “dad”. On our way home I asked my boyfriend how he came up with the idea to watch the Gay Man’s Chorus. He simply replied, “Easy, I just Googled ‘Gay Father’s Day’”.

Tags: family, Father's Day, Fatherhood, gay, Homosexuality, Parenting, Parents